


It's so much more exciting to look when you can't touch

by suburbanimmortalhusbands



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Fluff, M/M, POC Bill Cipher, Some angst, This was supposed to be a max 2k words, and, and more importantly, anyway, but it ended up being over 4k words, but now as I edited it I just wanted to die, dorks going to prom, dorks texting, enjoy, holy shit, how???, i would like to thank not only god but also jesus, omg, turns out editing this to ao3 format was successful, when I wrote this in google docs it seemed like a good idea, why am i like this, why did I write this as texting, why????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-09-13 20:59:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9141970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suburbanimmortalhusbands/pseuds/suburbanimmortalhusbands
Summary: When Dipper can't find a partner for prom, Bill goes above and beyond to make sure that his boyfriend he has the best night ever.Title: I Get Off by Halestorm





	1. Two shadows

Somehow, the parents of the twins Dipper and Mabel Pines found out how dangerous Gravity Falls was and as any responsible parents they forbid their kids to go there again. And that meant that the twins had to go back at living a regular life until they could move out. But, luckily for one of them, the strange and the unusual will follow him everywhere.

Dipper Pines noticed the shadow. That one shadow that was every he was. It wasn't his. It didn't look like his. 

Firstly, it was much more taller and more slender than his own. Secondly, he could also see his own shadow. After a while he came to the conclusion that somebody or something was watching him. Not that he minded. He was actually enjoying it. But his curiosity was eating him alive. The presence that came with the shadow was familiar, while the shadow was not.

And that leads us to the beginning of the story. Summer just ended and a 17 years old Dipper was reading a book in his bed. It was late and tomorrow school was beginning, but he didn't care. For time to time he was taking glances around the room. The shadow was still there. In a dark corner. And it looked straight at him. And as much as he enjoyed that, his curiosity was bigger. 

He put his book down and headed to his desk. He looked for a notebook or piece of paper and ended up snatching a school notebook. Who would look there, right? He rummaged through a drawer of his desk full of pens and pencils and put out a regular fountain pen. The pen may have seemed normal, but it wasn't. Instead of normal black ink it had invisible ink. After all he wanted to make sure nobody found out his secret. 

He opened the notebook at a random page and wrote: "I know you're watching." The ink was black but as it dried the writing started disappearing. "Oh..." Came the written response a few seconds later. The response disappeared aswell after a few seconds. "I don't mind it, I just want to know who you are or whatever you are." Dipper wrote down and looked straight at the shadow, that was now next to him. "Well, Pinetree, I'm disappointed you don't recognise me." Appeared on the notebook and before Dipper could overcome the shock of being called that nickname, the writing disappeared. 

"How?" He wrote eventually and he could swear he heard a chuckle, but that might have been just his mind messing with him. "No clue. All I know is that I'm stuck in the Mindscape." Appeared in a messy handwriting on the seemingly empty page. "Why?" Dipper wrote down, unable to say anything else. He hoped that the demon would understand what he meant, and he did. "Because...I like watching you." The demon wrote and a faint blush tainted Dipper's cheeks. 

He was conflicted. He enjoyed being watched, which was weird, but he decided to don't think about it. But he didn't really appreciate who was watching him. Or did he? He was confused. After a moment he realized that his enjoyment was still there, and, actually, it grew bigger. But did he wanted to tell that to the demon? He decided to tell him. 'What could go wrong?' He thought as he started writing. "Well, I like being watched by you." Dipper wrote but just as the writing was disappearing he added: "If that helps." 

And in that moment he could feel the demon look at him. He turned his head and was almost sure that their eyes met. For a brief second, but they met.

*

To Bill: _Hey, look! I drew you in my notebook._ 8.25pm

Dipper texted and the answer came right away. And Bill certainly didn't seem as amused as Dipper.

From Bill: _Haha, how funny. Now finish your homework._ 8.25pm

To Bill: _Fine._ 8.26pm

Dipper put his phone down as he rolled his eyes. He loved Bill, but he hated it when Bill was acting like his parent. Sure, Bill had over 1 trillion years, but that didn't make his behaviour any less annoying. 

He wondered how the demon got a phone or service in the Mindscape, but he decided to don't give it too much thought. It was a more practical way of communication than writing in notebooks. No one is suspicious of a teenager texting, but everyone would question him if he just started writing on a notebook all the time, but the notebook still being empty despite how much he wrote on it. 

Mabel opened the door of the room and bursted inside. "I found you a date!" She beamed and Dipper sighed. "How many times do I need to tell you that I'm not interested?" Dipper asked annoyed. "Well, prom is this week and you have no date. You can't go alone at prom and more importantly you can't miss prom." Mabel explained with her arms crossed over her chest. "But hey, who knows, maybe you've been secretly dating someone for the past year. That would explain why you're always on your phone." She added and left the room. 

Dipper sighed and wished he could tell his sister everything. But he knew she wouldn't react well. But that wasn't his worst fear. His worst fear was that she would tell Ford about it. He wasn't afraid that Ford would be angry at him, he was afraid that Ford would go back at being utterly paranoid. There were a few things he loved more than hearing his grand uncles talk about their adventures and all the fun they had together and he knew that if Ford found out that Bill was still alive all that would disappear. 

He decided to stop worrying about that. Nobody knew about his relationship with Bill so for now he didn't need to worry. He finished his homework and finished the book he was reading. It was a good book. Not his usual type of book, but he loved it. He decided to ask Bill for book recommendations more often. Just when he was about to pick up his phone, it buzzed and he chuckled when he saw that he received a message from the person he wanted to talk to.

From Bill: _I would gladly recommend you more books if you like._ 10pm

To Bill: _What you've got in mind?_ 10pm

From Bill: _Stephen King._ 10.01pm

To Bill: _Can you be more specific?_ 10.01pm

From Bill: _Why? Read all of his books. You'll thank me. And then you could read A Song Of Ice And Fire. To be honest, I'm surprised with the quality of the books written by contemporary authors. So there's that._ 10.03pm

To Bill: _Ok, I'll look into it. And as far as I know the latter is fantasy, not horror._ 10.03pm

From Bill: _And? What, I can't have a diverse taste in books?_ 10.04pm

To Bill: _We both know that the answer is no._ 10.04pm

From Bill: _Have you heard about the show Game Of Thrones?_ 10.05pm

To Bill: _That's the one where everybody dies, right?_ 10.05pm

From Bill: _Yes. That show is made after A Song Of Ice And Fire. So I guess you understand what I'm saying._ 10.06pm

To Bill: _Oh...well that explains everything. Because obviously, you can't read a book without 10 deaths/chapter._ 10.07pm

From Bill: _What can I say, I love seeing people die. Or in agony._ 10.07pm

From Bill: _You totally need to read A Song Of Ice And Fire right now._ 10.08pm

Dipper chuckled. He could only imagine Bill reading, silently kind of cheering after every death. He had a strange feeling that after every book read he would just go in a killing spree. 

From Bill: _That's exactly what happens._ 10.10pm

From Bill: _Or what would happen if I wasn't all alone._ 10.11pm

Dipper read the texts and rolled his eyes. And then he questioned once again. How did the demon have a phone or service there? And also, it was clear to him that Bill could read his thoughts, so why weren't they discussing telepathically? But he didn't ask that since his phone buzzed, announcing him that he had a message. Dipper picked up the phone and sighed at the sight of the message.

From Bill: _I'm curious, why did you refuse Shooting Star's offer to find you a partner for prom?_ 10.13pm

To Bill: _Because I don't want as my partner somebody chose by my sister and no one "strikes my fancy", as you'd say( you're such a sophisticated fucker). To be honest I want you as my partner._ 10.14pm

From Bill: _Yeah, but I can't accept. I'm kind of stuck where I am._ 10.14pm

To Bill: _I know. I guess I won't even go. It doesn't even sound fun. It's just a bunch of horny teenagers, who get drunk and wear fancy clothes. And there is also bad music._ 10.15pm

From Bill: _Shit. It must be really bad music if you find it bad, considering your disastrous music taste._ 10.16pm

Dipper read the text and scoffed. Bill could be so annoying sometimes, but he figured he was just as annoying to the demon.

To Bill: _Funny._ 10.16pm

From Bill: _It's true. But, sadly for you, Shooting Star is right. You can't miss prom. Even I attended my prom. Which was with a few billion years before this dimension was even created. But it was fun. I mean, I guess. I sat alone in the corner and drank, all night._ 10.18pm

From Bill: _Yeah, alcohol was my only friend ever since high school. And it was my prom partner. I would say that's sad, but I'm definitely the most successful person from my year._ 10.20pm

Dipper chuckled and rolled his eyes. He did feel bad that Bill had to spend his prom like that, but he let it pass. 

To Bill: _Fine. I'll go._ 10.20pm

From Bill: _And you'll let Shooting Star find you a partner?_ 10.21pm

To Bill: _Yes._ 10.21pm

He put his phone down and headed to his sister's room. He knocked on the door and his sister opened the door. "You can help me find a partner for prom." He said and Mabel squeaked happily before questioning: "How come you changed your mind?" "Well, you are right. And earlier I was an asshole. Math can be both relaxing and stressful. Especially triangles." Dipper said with a smile and turned around to leave. "I guess I'll go to sleep now." He added awkwardly and went in his room.

To Bill: _Pleased?_ 10.25pm

Dipper typed and sent after he grabbed his phone.

From Bill: _Very._ 10.25pm

From Bill: _Now go to sleep._ 10.26pm

To Bill: _No._ 10.26pm

Dipper typed in and he rolled his eyes annoyed. 

To Bill: _Can you stop acting like you're my parent? It's weird, considering you're my boyfriend._ 10.27pm

From Bill: _No. And good night, Pinetree!_ 10.27pm

Came the response in a few seconds. 

To Bill: _Bill, I'm not going to sleep. It's just 10 and a half._ 10.28pm

And then Dipper waited. And he waited but no response came.

To Bill: _Bill, I know you've seen the message. Don't ignore me._ 10.50pm 

And this time he got an answer. But not the one he wanted.

From Bill: _Pinetree, just trust me and go to sleep. I'm a dream demon after all, sleeping is my speciality._ 10.50pm

And Dipper huffed. Bill could be really annoying when he wanted. But Bill was still right, sadly for him. So he went to sleep and decided to talk more with the demon tomorrow.

*

From Bill: _Still nothing?_ 3.00pm

To Bill: _Nope._ 3.00pm

Dipper texted and he was lying. There were plenty of persons who would've wanted to go to prom with him. But none of them felt...right. He wanted to go to prom with Bill and no one could be as great of a partner as his boyfriend. 

To Bill: _But don't worry, I'll figure out something and I'll have fun._ 3.01pm

He texted, but no answer came. He felt bad lying to Bill like that, but what could he do. And he felt even worse now that Bill wasn't answering. What if the demon knew that he was lying? He probably did, Dipper figured, since Bill could clearly read his mind, that was no secret by now. And Dipper kept waiting for a text from the demon and nothing. What if he upset Bill? He probably did. And that was what he thought about for the next few hours, just laying in bed, staring at the ceiling. But around eight his parents called him telling him that his partner was downstairs, which definitely made him curious as he knew for sure that he had no partner.

He walked down the stairs only to see a familiar figure standing in the doorway. Tall and slender, just as his shadow. But this time Dipper could observe all of his features. Ebony skin, a oval face with a slightly pointed chin, a long pointed nose, bright gold eyes, full lips that he just wanted to kiss and what seemed freckles. “Hey, babe.” The figure said and that's when Dipper fully recognized him.

“Hey, love.” Dipper said before running to the door and hugging Bill. The demon hugged him back and chuckled. “Why are you this excited to see me? I mean, we've seen each other today already.” He asked and it took Dipper a second to realize that his parents could still hear them. “Yes, but I've missed you anyway. Why haven't you answered my text?” He said looking up at Bill, who was taller than him with 12 inches.

“I was busy. Sorry.” Bill said, his gaze meeting Dipper's. A small talk followed, but Dipper didn't bothered actually paying attention to it. He was too busy admiring his boyfriend, with whom he was even more in love now. And with the first chance he had he dragged Bill up the stairs to his room and shut the door after him. He waited too long for psychical contact so now he was gonna have it all. 

He pushed the demon onto his bed and straddled him, pulling him by his tie so their noses were touching. “So, whose body you're possessing?” He asked, an unknown spark in his eyes. Or at least unknown to Bill, and that worried the demon. “Nobody's. This body is mine.” He said, eyes not daring to look away from Dipper's brown ones. “Perfect then. So I won't feel bad for what I'm about to do.” He said and he crushed his lips onto Bill's. He cupped the demon's face with his hands and he pulled Bill closer.

The demon was too shocked to do anything for a bit, but after his shock wore off he closed his eyes and put his hands on Dipper's hips, underneath his shirt and pulled him closer. Dipper moaned softly at that and he bit Bill's lower lips which made the demon gasp in pleasure. “Mmmmm...Pinetree?” Bill moaned against Dipper's lips and Dipper smirked. “Yes, darling?” He said, his gaze never leaving Bill, a hand under Bill's chin, to ensure that Bill was looking in his eyes at all times. 

“We're gonna be late. Can't we do this when we get back?” Bill asked, not sure whether or not he was saying the right words because of the cloud from his mind. Dipper was really good at that and Bill had to give that to him. “You're kidding, right? I wanted to do this for months.” Dipper said, his tone venomous, and a chill went down Bill's back. “I know, but can't you wait a bit more. We have somewhere we need to be.” Bill said and Dipper glared at him. “5 more minutes.” He growled lowly at the demon and Bill nodded. 

And Dipper was about to resume what Bill has rudely interrupted, but the door of the room flung open and Mabel entered the room, asking cheerfully: “So, who's that hot guy from downstairs?” She asked before realizing that she might have interrupted something. “Did I interrupt something?” She asked with an awkward and forced smile and Dipper sat up, next to Bill as he fixed his outfit. “Nope. Nothing was going on here.” Dipper said with a smile, one he threw around a lot so there was no chance of it failing, as it was thoroughly rehashed. Bill sat up, fixing his outfit as well as he greeted cheerfully: “Well, hello to you too, Shooting Star!” And he smiled, a million dollars smile that had yet to fail him. 

And in the very next moment Mabel shut the door closed, wide eyed, and she whispered: “You are dead. You were dead. Why aren't you dead anymore?” “Well, you can't just ask people why they aren't dead anymore.” Bill said, faking offence in the most obvious way possible. “And when did you two started dating?” She asked, her voice still low. From her tone she didn't seem bothered by her brother's new boyfriend, she was just upset that she didn't know sooner. “Around nine months ago.” Dipper said, just as Bill took Dipper's hand in his own. Dipper noticed that and he turned his head to look at their interwired hands, just as a blush crept it's way to his cheeks. 

“And why haven't you told me sooner?” Mabel asked and Dipper sighed. Did she really not realize the reason? “It's because I haven't told anyone, because no one can know that Bill is alive.” He said and Mabel nodded in agreement, realizing that Dipper was right. “Now, can I get dressed, we are already late enough as it is.” Dipper said as he walked to his closet and he started looking through it. 

Meanwhile, Bill's attention was caught by Mabel's dress. It was a shimmery pastel pink and it was flowing down to the ground, fitting Mabel perfect as if it was made especially for her. “Shooting Star, I must say, your dress is gorgeous!” Bill said, his gaze shifting to Mabel’s face. “Oh, thank you so much, Bill! I made it myself! But flattery won't get you anywhere with me!” She added, a smile on her face. “Oh, but I wasn't trying anything, I just find your dress very beautiful. Do you still make sweaters?” Bill asked and Mabel chuckled before saying proudly: “Yes, yes, I do still make sweaters.” 

“So neither of you has changed a single bit.” Bill said with a smile. Dipper returned, now dressed in a suit, and he leaned in and kissed Bill's cheek. “Shall we go now?” He asked and Bill turned all of his attention to his boyfriend. “Yes, we shall.”

*

Dipper was asleep, but as much as he wanted Bill just couldn't sleep. He tried and tried, but he just couldn't relax in his boyfriend’s warm embrace that practically begged him to fall asleep and forget all of his worries. But he couldn't give in. Quilt was eating him alive.

He turned and kissed Dipper's forehead softly, ensuring that his boyfriend will be asleep doesn't matter what, at least until he died. He did it, he took his chance to offer his boyfriend the perfect night, but now it was time for him to pay. He couldn't exist in that realm. At least not anymore. He was either in the Mindscape, or he was dead. 

He got out of bed and pulled the curtain to look outside. The moon was shining on the sky, larger than any moon Bill has ever seen and there was a knot in his stomach. He was so nervous. He never imagined the day he was going to die, and now he was put with the fact right in front of him. Couldn't he get five more minutes to prepare himself emotionally? No? It was fine either way. He was gonna die anyway, so why not sooner?

He went to his suit jacket, which was neatly put over Dipper's desk chair, and he took a letter out of it. Only two words were written in his messy handwriting on the front and he just stared at them, unable to take his eyes off them. Eventually he did and he placed the letter next to Dipper's head. And then his body turned into star dust and that was the end of Bill Cipher.

Seconds later Dipper jolted awake. He looked around him, no sight of Bill anywhere in the room. But then he spotted the letter. He picked it up and let his thumb go over the two words on the front written in a handwriting Dipper could recognise anywhere. 

_For Pinetree_

Dipper opened the letter. It was written in the same handwriting. But why? Why did Bill give him that and then left? And he even left his suit jacket there. But why? And, while still asking himself a million questions, Dipper decided to read the letter. Maybe it'll explain everything.

_Dear Pinetree,_

_I'm sorry for lying. Unfortunately, I won't make it to our date tomorrow, I'll be...dead. I really wish I could've come and, again, I'm sorry for lying. I should've told you I can't make it. I should've also told you that coming here would kill me and that that is why I didn't do it sooner, but I just didn't have the heart to tell you that. I just wanted you to enjoy your night and I knew you wouldn't be to do so if I told you I was dying. I'm sorry, and I hope someday you'll forgive me. I know you will, you are a very forgiving person, especially when it comes to me._

_I also wanted to tell you to live your life. You are capable of great things and I expect nothing less from you. Please, find it in yourself to believe in yourself and become the best version of yourself you can be. Because you are an extraordinary human being and you can conquer the world, literally, or not. Knowing you, probably not._

_And lastly, please, don't be sad. I had to die at some point and at least now I'm dying happy. It's probably for the best, as it's not like we could've worked out anyway, for a million reasons. And did you know that I'm terrible at words? Turns out I am, because I can't find any good words right now and that honestly makes me feel like shit because you deserve the best words because you are the best._

_Oh, I should stop babbling now, I bet you don't want to read that. But I want to say one more thing: I love you._

_Love,_

_Bill._

And Dipper bursted into tears. Bill has never told him before the three words and now he would never get the chance to hear it from the demon, nor say it back. And that made his heart break. 

He dropped the letter and he covered his mouth with his hands. He tried not to sob too loudly as it was very late and he didn't want to wake anyone, especially his parents as there was no way to explain that to them. But he needed to talk with someone, and Mabel always said that her door was always open if he needed her. 

So he decided. He was gonna go and talk with Mabel. She always found a way to make him feel better after all. He got out of the bed and took Bill's suit jacket and put it on. He left the room and knocked on the door right across the hall. 

After a minute the door opened and Dipper was greeted by a yawning Mabel, who clearly just woke up. “Dipper, why are you awake at this hour? Also what's up with your outfit?” “Can I come in and I'll tell you why I'm awake. Also, why do you think I'm dressed like this?” He asked as he entered the room and Mabel closed the door before she squeaked.

“Don't mention it. There are several things I won't discuss with you and my sex life is one of them.” Dipper said annoyed and Mabel's excitement died out. “Fine. Why are you awake tho? It's very late.” She asked and Dipper sat down on Mabel's bed. “Bill…” he began, his voice barely above a whisper, but before he could finish he bursted into tears yet again. “Bill...died.” He managed to choke out, while trying to wipe away his tears, but they just kept coming. 

“What? How?” Mabel asked as she rushed over to Dipper's side and wrapped her arms around her brother. “He came here from the Mindscape but that killed him, apparently. That's what he said in the letter he left me at least. He also said that perhaps that was for the best because we wouldn't have worked out anyway.” Dipper said and he started sobbing louder. 

“Hey, it's fine. Well, not right now, but it will be, I promise. Did he say anything else?” Mabel said, trying to keep Dipper’s mind busy. “Yes.” Dipper muttered, between sobs. “He said that he loves me. And my biggest regret is that I couldn't say it back.”


	2. Stardust magic

Dipper walks away from the monster's dead body, a hand on his upper arm, near his shoulder, from where blood was pouring rapidly. The red liquid was slowly dripping down his arm and onto the ground and Dipper fell to his knees. It took him a bit to get up and start stumbling his way home, his head spinning and his legs feeling like gelatine. He fell again after a bit, but he didn't tried to stand up right away that time. He realized it was useless, so he rested his back against a tree.   


He gripped the dagger in his hand tighter. He couldn't lose it, he just couldn't. It was the last memory of his boyfriend he had. Even tho he wasn't sure if it was still appropriate to call Bill his boyfriend. Was ex-boyfriend more appropriate? He wasn't sure. He wondered how you call your dead boyfriend, that definitely took his mind off his bleeding arm for a second, but the pain reminded him about his arm. He gripped his arm tighter, trying to make the bleeding stop. If it didn't stop soon he wasn't gonna make it home. He knew at that point that all of his injuries magically healed, but he knew that he had to be alive for that to happen. He couldn't ask for that much from whatever force was helping him out, now could he? That would've been straight up rude.  


The bleeding stopped, eventually, and he sighed relieved. Now only if he could get up. He took a deep breath and tried standing up, but he was too lightheaded to do that. So he flopped back down with a groan and he took a closer look at the dagger he was holding onto as if his life depended on it.  


He stared blankly at the C engraved on it and he admired the detailed snake that was going around the letter. He found it pretty appropriate that Bill's family seal had a snake in it, given what Bill told him about his family. He was also struck by the care for details. The snake looked so real, and Dipper almost could swear it moved, wrapping tighter around the C, as if it was gonna die if he let go. But Dipper lost a good deal of blood, so was he really in any position to judge anything? It was (probably) just his mind messing with him, from lack of enough oxygen.  


His vision turned slightly out of focus, his eyes growing tired, so he focused his attention on the dagger. He was always hesitant to take the dagger with him when hunting. He was always afraid that something would happen and he wouldn't be able to forgive himself that, he knew how much Bill held onto it. Despite how much Bill hated his mother's side of the family, he was the last heir, the last of their name and Dipper could only assume how much pressure was on him.  


Yes, Bill did horrible things and nothing excuses that, but maybe that pressure and the loneliness didn't help him make right choices. And looking at the letter Bill gave him, he thought that perhaps Bill died happy for more than one reason.   


Dipper sighed. He was a mess. All he could think of was Bill. He hoped for a while that it was all just a trick, he could totally understand why Bill wouldn't want anyone to know he was alive. So he looked for clues through all the conversations he had with the demon. He looked at everything Bill left behind, but it didn't make sense. It all pointed to Bill genuinely being dead, but Dipper just couldn't accept it.   


Bill had to be alive. He just had to be. For Dipper's sake at the very least, but there was no evidence to support that, unfortunately. Dipper was on the verge of giving up on it and start to properly mourn, in hopes that he could move on and respect Bill's wish of becoming the best person he could. Because so far he disappointed Bill, all he did was mop around and grasp on ridiculously small things, in hopes that Bill was somehow still alive somewhere.  


He looked up at the sky, the moon shining brightly and that sort of put him at ease. In the past few months the moon was his only consolation. He didn't understand why tho. He was never particularly fond of the night or the moon so for him to be so dependent on the moon's presence to function seem... off.   


Dipper made one more attempt to get up and this one was successful. He looked behind him and could see the shack from between the trees. It wasn't that far away. He could make it there. And after that he could patch himself up and wait for the magic to happen. If it happened. What if it didn't? Dipper kind of took for granted whatever was healing him.   


The thought of his magical healing disappearing kept Dipper's thoughts away from the pain until he got in front of the shack. He stumbled on the stairs and took the key from underneath the couch. He opened the door and to his surprise there was a light coming from the kitchen.  


He entered the shack slowly, trying not to make any noise, but whoever was in the kitchen already heard him. "Grunkle Stan?" Dipper asked when he saw Stan in the doorway. Stan was looking at Dipper's arm and Dipper noticed that. It was hard not to look at it since it was so full of blood.   


"I can...explain..." Dipper said, with an awkward smile that faded as he went on. He couldn't explain. Stan did ask him not to go hunting for a while, at least until he feels better emotionally, saying that he will distracted. And Stan didn't lie. Dipper did get more injured than usually, but so far he managed to hide it.   


Stan sighed. "There's no need to. Just go and take a seat, I'll be right back." Stan said and then he headed out to the living room to get the first aid kit, Dipper assumed. Dipper didn't hesitate, he closed the door and locked, before going into the kitchen and sitting down. He put the key and the dagger on the table and waited patiently for Stan to return. Stan wasn't upset, he was disappointed and that hurt Dipper, especially since he never saw Stan like that. Stan was always so proud of both Dipper and Mabel and for him to be disappointed like that really struck a chord within Dipper.   


"I'm sorry, grunkle Stan! I know you told me I shouldn't go hunting for a bit." Dipper said as soon as Stan entered the room. "It's fine. I should've expected that." Stan said as he sat down, but Dipper still couldn't look up. He took his hand from the wound, which luckily stopped bleeding by now. "Whenever I tell you not to do something, that's the first thing you do. You're not really one for rules, despite what it seems and I've accepted it, but I just thought that perhaps right now you might not even be in the mood to fight for your life. And I was wrong." Stan added as he started cleaning Dipper's wound, a small smile on his face.   


"Still, I disappointed you, big time and I'm really sorry." Dipper said, not noticing Stan's small smile. "You didn't disappoint me, I was expecting it." Stan responded and Dipper still couldn't muster the courage to look Stan in the eye. "And I knew you were going hunting, I just never said anything because you had the situation under control, or so it seemed. I also never caught you and I want to know how you did it." Stan added and Dipper sighed. It's not like there was any secret to it. He never even tried to properly hide, and he was aware that Stan knew that. The only reason he was never caught was out of sheer luck.   


"Luck, I guess. I'm not sure either. I always had this...feeling that told me when to leave so I won't get caught and when to return. And as long as I made it alive my injuries would magically heal by the time it was morning. I don't know what causes this or how it works and why it chose me out of all people, but I am not complaining.” Dipper explained and he took the dagger from the table, holding it in his hand.   


“And how are you doing? You haven't really talked with anyone ever since…” Stan began, but he didn't finish it, he didn't think Dipper would want to hear it. He wasn't even sure why he asked, he knew that Dipper was asked that enough times already for him to be sick of hearing it. Stan already knew how Dipper was feeling so there was no point in asking and, if he was honest, he didn't even expect Dipper to answer. But to his surprise, Dipper did.  


“Ever since Bill died. I know. I just didn't feel like it. Everyone asked me how I was feeling and...and...pitying me. I didn't want their pity. I didn't want them to look at me like I was a helpless puppy who needed them. Because I wasn't. My approach was wrong too, isolating myself made me miserable. I am still miserable. And I still miss Bill. And I blame myself for what happened.” Dipper said, choking on his words towards the end.   


Stan looked at Dipper, unsure of what to say, it wasn't like he had a speech prepared, hell, he wasn't even expecting Dipper to tell him anything. “Why would you blame yourself? You didn't do anything wrong.” Stan said eventually, but Dipper didn't even noticed the pause.   


“Of course I did. Bill died because he came here and he came here because I wouldn't go to prom with anyone but him. I didn't outright say, but I did tell him that I'd much rather go with him and then I didn't find partner in time, sorry, I rejected everyone that wanted to go with me, and Bill for sure knew about it. I can't lie to him, he can read my mind, so he must've known.”  


“That still doesn't make it your fault. It was Bill who ultimately decided to come here, and he did it knowing really well what was going to happen. He valued your happiness over his life and that is not your fault, neither his.” Stan said and only then Dipper looked at his grand uncle. “You really think so?” Dipper asked and Stan only nodded. Dipper turned his gaze towards the dagger and started right through it trying to gather to his thoughts. He never really talked about Bill and how Bill's death affected him.  


Dipper turned his gaze towards Stan and Stan nodded. “Go on, if that'll help.” He said and Dipper looked away. “I...I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw him there. I only ever saw his shadow and seeing him, in person, it was something else. He charmed mom and dad right away, with such little effort. Mabel scolded me for not telling her earlier that Bill and I were dating, but other than that she didn't seem to mind.”   


Dipper stopped. He wanted to say everything at once. He realized in that moment that he wanted to talk about the only time he has ever seen his boyfriend face to face for so long. He guessed he just never had the courage. He also thought he was going to be met with sympathetic looks, back rubs and sorry-you-must-be-really-missing-hims, and that definitely discouraged him even more. So now he needed a bit to put his thoughts in order and contain his excitement.  


“We danced the entire night.” Dipper said with a smile on his face. He could almost feel his feet hurt, again, from all of that dancing. “I've never seen someone with so much energy. Even Mabel got tired and Bill was still going as if it was nothing. He is... was such a good dancer.” And Dipper stopped. The usage of the past tense killed him on the inside. His smile faded, but just for a moment.  


“He knew every single word to every single song. And he sang along, despite how terrible the songs were. And despite how he had the luck of never hearing them before that night. And he insisted that I danced with him the entire night, so I did, at least until I got tired, actually even a bit after that. And the rest of the night we sat down and drank, he hid a flask in his suit jacket, I still have it. He laughed at my terrible puns and let me play with his hair. And he drove home, I was just a bit tipsy, I could've drove myself, but he insisted. He acted as if I never drank before, but I couldn't get mad at him.”  


“When we got back home we were both so tired, well I was, so we just cuddled and I asked Bill out on a date, a date that would make up for all the dates we missed on until now. I was gonna do it all with him. I had him there, with me, and I just got so excited I couldn't contain my happiness. And all he did was smile and nod, as if everything was fine. But he knew it wasn't. And we went to sleep, me, completely oblivious, already planning all the things we were gonna do tomorrow, and him, knowing that there was no tomorrow.”  


_Dipper planted small kisses up Bill's back until he reached Bill's neck. He kissed the place where Bill's shoulder met with his neck and Bill gasped, loud enough for Dipper to hear. Dipper smirked and he bit the spot, at which Bill moaned quietly, his left cheek pressed against the mattress. “Sensitive spot?” “Yeah, because unlike you I can actually feel.” Bill teased and Dipper rolled his eyes. “Not my fault that you're more reactivate than me.” Dipper said and he laid on the bed._   


_“I know.” Bill said and he turned around so he could curl up against Dipper, his head on Dipper's chest.”How about we go on a date tomorrow? And the day after that? And everyday until we catch up on all the dates we missed until now?” Dipper asked and Bill just smiled. “I have so many ideas. I want to do it all with you now that you're here.” Dipper added and Bill sat up. He kissed Dipper, just briefly, before looking lovingly into his boyfriend’s eyes._   


_“I'd love that. And I'm looking forward to tomorrow.” Bill said, his gaze not leaving Dipper's for a single second. “Then it's settled?” Dipper asked, his voice just above a whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. “Yes.” Bill responded, his tone airy and he kissed Dipper again. After that Bill laid back down and Dipper wrapped an arm around Bill's waist, his hand on the small of Bill's back. They both liked that, so very much. And they could definitely get used to that._   


_Bill knew that they won't, but he didn't tell Dipper that and ruin his fantasy. Dipper fell asleep, oblivious to what was happening and Bill curled up closer to Dipper, scared and full of quilt, unable to relax enough to fall asleep._   


“When I woke up, all alone, I was devastated, I asked myself why he left and…” Dipper said, choking on his words. Tears started running down his face and he closed his eyes. “And… I thought that I was stupid for believing him. But then I saw the letter and I read it, I still have it. I reread it every night. And I wonder what if things turned out different. Bill and I never got to say our I love yous, we didn't have that dramatic scene in romance movies, nor the casual declaration Mabel and Pacifica had. We both agreed to reserve it for a special moment, but that moment never came. And Bill knew that if he said earlier he would burst my bubble and make me worry, and that was the last thing he wanted.”   


“But I keep wondering what if he didn't die. Every night I dream about how things would've been if when I woke up, Bill was there, alive, sleeping on my chest. And what if we got to say our I love yous and go on dates and...and just do everything we missed on. Because...because that's the nicest thing I can think of.” Dipper muttered towards the end, a realisation hitting him.  


_“I'm not influencing your dreams, I just decide what kind of dream you're gonna have. I could influence them, but I don't. I let you decide what you find pleasing and, turns out, I am the nicest thing you can think of.”_   


Those words echoed in his head. Could it be? Of course it was and it took him so long to realize. “Thanks, grunkle Stan, for letting me vent. I think I'll go to sleep now, I'm really tired. Good night!” He said and bolted out of his chair. Stan said a good night back, not sure if he did the right thing that night or not. He wasn't great on advice.  


Dipper entered his room and closed the door, leaning against it for a few seconds, his arm hurting. He opened the window and looked at the moon. It was there the entire time. The answer he was looking for was right above him and yet he didn't put the pieces together.   


He looked in awe at the moon and while he associated his boyfriend with the sun, he didn't mind this new perspective. He opened his mouth, ready to say something he wanted to say for so long, but the words just wouldn't come out. He wanted that moment to be perfect. Eventually he gathered his courage and said it, knowing his message was received.  


“I love you too.”


End file.
